I am so tired of fighting, so tired of not being the person I want to be. I constantly seek fulfillment, but I remain empty. I know where to find it. Why can't I? Why Don't I?
Everything seems so hard most of the time,I am not the person I want to be. I strive to get through one more day.when I really look at my situation and realize how utterly lost I am, it hurts. I see myself and where I am, how I am, what I do, what I don't do. Why?
Most days I can keep it together. But i can no longer bottle it up. i felt as if im suffocating at some point,never be in a comfort zone again. Everything has been tougher and tougher each day.
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Im too self aware of how people look at me and react to me when they see me. Im no longer a person who once turn up in their lives. i can sense it somehow. I tried to smile back at them once we bumped into each other.To my disappointment, they never do the same thing in return. Im very reserved,i know and im lacking of confidence.
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Insecurity calls. i always convince myself to trust him more.But I cant.Why? Again and again my imagination haunts me that he wont keep his promise. it hurts me alot.
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