this is sucks......

i don't even know whether i treat her as a friend or whatever...i just hate her to be my friend though...but everyone said that i'm her besT friend and she's my best friend....fro all this while,i never really think that she is my BFF. FOR THE FIRST REASON,(sikit2 tak mahu cakap dengan dengan saya)apa pula......she keep hurting me like she never done that before...arghhhh. She is too much sensitive though...everytime when mention about pe,she put all the blame on me..hey,do u remember what you did to me last year..you are the one who want to be her friend.and you hurt me to the core..don't you ever forget that...pakat sama dengan chinese geng and abandoned me as what you promise to pe...this is simply disgusting thing ever happen in my life...WTF...and recently,at physics tuition time...i mentioned about something to myself not her..and she thought that im talkin about her...shit!!WTF...and yesterday,i told her that i'm not allow to access internet anymore and she said that she is angry and don't want to talk to me anymore..what the hell ??whats that all about?if she have the PMS rite now?

just a little scraps from what i feel....

I never thought i was so blind,
I can finally see the truth,
Its me for you.

I was too silly for this,
Cause its never gonna be the truth,
So far for me and you.

I never thought i am just caught in the middle,
Life is just a beautiful melody,
But the lyrics so far are just messed up.

I realize that i don't know where to go,
I can't do it all alone,
I have tried, but i don't know why

Maybe its too much, maybe its a lot,
To be something i am not,
I am just a fool out of love.

continue from my day...

after that,jin feng drove us to her school,smk sultanah asma before going to pacific..i just kept quiet although its been couple of times i took my pace to that school and is not a nice place to go after all,sigh..shee min and her were so excited with our visits to their school...introduced their school buildings,and bla bla bla whatsoever..if i had my own car i will do that too...but i tumpang somebody's car,sigh again...

maybe jin feng wanted to save her pocket money,so she parked her car which was outside and quite far away from the shopping mall..and at that moment,it was rained cats and dogs...hate it but i had to walk in wet...again, tumpang kereta orang..what to do..they decided to go the highest floor to play bowling..sweat sweat cause i had never play this thing before...but its ok,at least i can learn how to play...each person RM5,paid individually...for almost 2 hours we enjoyed playing bowling..(what i know is that my bowling skill is sucks)...i had learned a few bowling words like strike and spare...and we kept laughing on our own mistakes..only alex and jin feng were pro playing this thing...

5.30pm
after finished playing bowling,they excused themselves to the washroom..so, i took a little time jalan-jalan and even took some picture as memories..by that time,alex was coming out from the washroom only both of us standing outside..and at that moment,we had a few conversations...he was curious to know who i was smsing with(and actually i was smsing with my younger sister)not other guys..i just kept quiet and he asked whether i always hang out with my friends or not and i said that time was two years ago...cause my friends seldom do so...maybe he was a bit deaf that he thought i was lazy to go out...sigh..then he tried to tease me by saying too much sleep will become stupid, you know..all i can do was trying to keep my temper low...and the girls were coming out from the washroom...

chia sing came across her idea by taking our picture together as memories...we decided to do so by exchanged money to tokens...then we try to fit in the small room in order to capture 6 faces in that room...it was quite funny when alex claimed that he sweat a lot in that tiny room..all of us were enjoying that moment..then they designed the borders for our pictures that we took just now...at that time i met aizween and said hi to her...

6.00pm
then we decided to go to the McD to buy ice-creams..and i went to my cousin's shop and had some chat with one of her workers that i know...my sisters also reached at the pacific to fetch me but it was not the time yet..my sister then told me that they will wait for me at the popular shop..

6.30pm
it was the time where they were going to eat dinner outside before 7.3opm bus...and i ended our day without saying goodbye to them and i rushed to the popular shop to meet up with my sister who was waiting for me...

that night,i received a message from alex asking why didn't i said a goodbye to them and i felt guilty for not doing that...argh...i knew that i will gonna miss them a lot and hope that we will meet with each other again....

mY DaY...(24.08.09)

Well, it's not my birthday.....but the day where i spend the whole day with my new friends...typically,it was just a normal hanging out which most teens do..but for me,its totally a different feeling and i learned a lot things from my new friends...huhu..

i can feel the nerve-racking cause this is the time where i'm being interviewed by ncia(northern corridor implementation association)..this could be the only ticket for my future to widen my perspective in this world...i didn't prepare much as this was my 2nd interview..like what alex said to me "they ask what i say what lah...hai yah...apa yang susah..takkan they want to bite you meh?"thats true...and then i had a good night sleep the night before..

9.00a.m
the most critical time!!!!my mother and my da jie accompanied me to the koridor utara which is situated opposite a.s.r.c...i feel so much better with their support :) waiting at there, i can see the malays and indian boys standing at the corner which i know from the kem standing at the corner chatting..tarani along with her sister,indrani sitting on the sofa and i joined them as well as the other malay girl....later on was wen pei...followed by the chinese geng, alex,chia sing, yap, shee min and jin feng, who fetch them from the bus station...as i'm suffering from anthropophobia and glossophobia,i don't dare to join them..sounds very funny and odd, but that's me..then i saw pn. rohaya, my afs interviewer coming along my place and started having a few conversation with us...i bet that she cannot recognise me cause i dressed differently than before..wearing blazer,specs and tied a sanggul...damn neat...and thanks god that i was in air-conditioned place..but pn. rohaya can recognise wen pei from the last interview..i just keep my fingers crossed that she won't interview me again..if not the history will repeats again(the good charlotte's song)...

i glanced at my watch..its already 9.15am..as there was a bored expression written on my face,"beranikan diri saya" i stood up and asked wen pei to accompany me to join the chinese geng..chia sing was trying to perli me by saying "hey u are wearing pakaian ala-barat" which i don't think it was funny cause they looked quite untidy in their prefects uniform..sorry to say...and alex did just knew i'm a prefect as well..and showing his care to me by asking me "u can understand us talking in mandarin?" and i just said yeah...

not long before that one of the ncia worker holding papers and starting calling names for the interview...and my name was the fifth name calling out...automatically taking my file and they wished good luck to me and i follow them to upstairs..inside the room was 4 interviewers and 6 of us sitting outside the room..among us were 3 malay guys, 2 indian guys and me..we just have a chat and OMG they were damn funny.... talking all the way and i laughed a lot...one of the indian guy was my team leader,syam...waiting,waiting,waiting and kept waiting..each person took 20-30 minutes for the interview...glanced at my watch and it showed 11am..i was in hunger..in this kind of situation normally you don't have a mood to eat..so do i...

and finally my name was calling out and i started to fret..entering the room,greeting the interviewers and sitting down a chair which was about a distance away from the interviewers...well, can i skip this part?if you mind....

finish being interviewed,coming out from the room and the guys outside said that my interview did not took a longer time...and the ncia worker took me to the groundfloor....with a sigh of relief,phew....still,i thought that i did not done my best...overall the interview did not giving myself a thumbs up.....haiz..meeting my mom and da jie, i still saw indrani alone waiting for her sister...and yap,wen pei,chia sing came to my place asking about my interview and i told what i remember from the interview...the first thing came from my mind was time to hang out with them but they were waiting for interview...i told i went back to home 1st and called me when they were done...

215pm
at home..all of sudden alex calling me and asking where am i now and he told me that only left yap who was still waiting for the interview..later on they will go for lunch 1st then jalan-jalan...and he asked whether i will join them and i said yes..he was hoping that i will join them too...after having my lunch, changing clothes and get ready to hang out with them..da jie fetch me followed by my younger sister..on the way going to find them..calling alex and asked an exact place to meet up with them..and they called meto go to shahab bus station..i was wondering why the have to wait at bus station there instead of going for their lunch...reached at the shahab seemeb to be lost..again calling them and seemed to be no sense of direction,at last they called me to wait at the marrybrown..it was raining at that time and i saw alex and jin feng towards my way...

alex asked whether wen pei will come along and i was not sure cause she didn't contact with me..i was shocked that jin feng driving her own car..i admit that i am envy about her..although she is not pretty,she is very active,friendly and extrovert and i can feel that she got a feeling on alex...hehe...i tumpang her car and we were heading to a restaurant near the superkids there..which i always go with my family..i just order drinks cause i already having my lunch

sos!!!

damn sick today..fever,cough,flu....miss the school lessons for almost a week...skip tuition classes..
loss of appetite...trial exams between two weeks time...oh gosh!!!
feeling wanna throw up everything....school results even sucks...its like you've been fall down from the peak of mount everest or getting caught between the rope that tied around you for a bungee jump...worst off as if you were hang in between the life and death horizon..s.o.s!!!

from the kem...

i started to realize that i was too humble to talk to people especially those chinese 'geng' consists of alex, chia sing, yap, shee min(same tuition with me every friday afternoon) and jin fung..maybe because of different background of schools.they were from chinese schools and i'm from typical convent school..

12.30pm
the facilitators had us gathered in the dataran and started to have our lunch and malay guys had their sembahyang jumaat and all must be done by 2.30pm

2.45pm
we started to pitch the tent together which i totally don't have the idea about pitching up the tent..all i knew was that i'm going to stay in tent for the rest of the nights..OMG...I NEVER EVER know how im going to survive for another two nights there...luckily,there was one guy who worked in the bkt hijau guided us to pitch the tent..and at least that was another skill for us to learn so far...after that, i started to pitch the tent with Tarani and Hajar..supposed it needed 4 person to pitch the tent but we could not find another one to help us..we pitched two tents was quite exhausted with that simple activity!

3.30pm
we gathered in the dataran and the facilitators gave us some 'taklimat' about training touch and it was interesting to listen about it..

07-08-2009-----09-08-2009

Kem Jati Diri at Bukit Hijau, Kulim, Kedah
Global Youth Programme with Training Touch

Exactly the lifetime experience that is unforgettable to everyone who participated the global youth programme...

07-08-2009, 10.46a.m
we reached at the kem bkt hijau.the road was too narrow that the bus we took was departed at the entrance of nur bkt hijau.we had to carry along our paraphernalia to the dataran..and actually i don't know where i supposed to go..just follow the men in black shirt walking through the bumpy and narrow road..it rained unexpetedly and i got to quicken my pace as to reach at the dataran. i was in all wet and everthing was blurred..

at the dataran, i can see quite a number of people standing there..and mostly were malays..we put our paraphernalia at the corner and started to queue up to register our name and ic number as well as parents ic number..along the queue,there are two chinese girls standing beside me and looking very friendly and warm..one of the girl who is shorter than me had helped Tarani(my Indian friend from same school) to carry her paraphernalia..Tarani felt thankful to her...after registration was done,we took a name card which was new and there was no name written on it and a bottle of water..

later,the two chinese friends started to introduce themselves to me and Tarani..they were surprised hearing that i'm from convent school..they thought that i couldn't speak in mandarin but i tried to spea in mandarin just to fit in with them..the shorty named Yap and the other girl was Lee Chia Sing..then they introduced me to a handsome guy(as what they had mentioned) from their school..his name was Alex and i had noticed his name from the name list..he was dark and quite tall.. we shook hands and i was not so interested to talk to them...Tarani and me were trying to find our friend,Hajar(my Malay friend from same school)..

She was standing at the end of the dataran talking to a malay and indian girls from different school..like what we normally do..introducing each other and had some conversation...to be true,i was bored because i don't have a friend to talk to..Tarani was talking to the indian girl and so do Hajar talking to the malay girl...All i did was looking around...as if i was busy enjoying the scenery..sigh

the men in black shirt were the facilitators..using microphone,they introduce themselves too..we were enjoying a simple breakfast consists of karipap and malay kuih..i was not in a great appetite as i could'nt fit in this kind of situation..i felt a little dizzy and eaten a panadol given by Tarani..we sat in the circle with other girls..we were waiting the students from other state..

ThE FrEsHy OnE... :(

As a new blogger,i don't really know how to write such a blog,be a poetry or whatever..
that because i'm not good in writing in english and i have to think before i write..as i don't want to let anyone know about this blog...i feel that it is a good way to express my thoughts and feelings throughout the day....as a space to let myself come out from this very problematic situation..

NeW cHaPtER of MY lIfE...

A space where i begin to write a new chapter of my life..